It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
