i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
