Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
