So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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