She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
