dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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