my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
