help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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