So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
