I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
