my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There r osticjed everywhere
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
