dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
