what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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