OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
