So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
