Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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