Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Randomize
