When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
