Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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