is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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