Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
