I am puke
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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