Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize