This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
