They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
