when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
