i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
