I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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