I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
