doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
