So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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