what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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