she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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