his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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