If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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