my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
