Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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