I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
