I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
