While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
