During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
