Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
