Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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