Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just had sex on a roof
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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