Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
