that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
