I'm going to jail i love you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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