I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize