so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
