Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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