I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize