There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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