I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
