Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
...so i touched it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
