I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
