In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
