and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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