what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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