What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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