Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
