I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
