Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
