you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
