Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize