I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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