im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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