just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
