a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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